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Narcissistic Tendencies
For this week's blog posts I want to talk about something that might be triggering for some people. However I feel like it is something important to address. If you're reading and have ever been in a horrible relationship then trust me you're in the right place. When we go through heartbreak im not sure if it is just my parents who say it but I usually get the "you'll go through a million of these in your lifetime." When they said that to me all I could think was well I understand that but for right now this really sucks.
What I realized is relationships can either be really good or really bad, I never knew that there can be such toxic people in the world until I met my ex. People say that we see the red flags and ignore them but honey in the beginning they can have everything right with them and then later on its like you entered a circus with all of the red flags going on. Personally my experience had to do with a narcissist. Now if you guys do not know that is someone who thinks very highly of themselves, they need constant praise and lacking empathy for others. For me I didnt think that someone could be so cruel but trust me they are out there.
Because we are woman we are seen inferior but that is not true at all, we may have our moments God knows I have but with a little help we can get through things. When I dated my ex he would always try and buy my love and at first I thought it was something he did out of love but then he started using it against me. Another thing I want to mention is if your significant other ever tells you that you cant go out without them there is something wrong. Now there's limits for things but once you see them trying to control you, just do yourself a favor and run...
For me I thought I loved him but in reality it just turned into something so toxic I didnt think I loved him anymore and I believe it was just obsession. He turned my life into a bubble and the center of it was all him. In my experience with this I stopped talking to my friends, I stopped going out, I cut my family off and my reltionship with my sister wasnt the best. Toxic relationships take a toll on your life and for me getting out of it was the hardest thing I had to do but after that feeling of relief when its over it is like you are a whole new person.
One thing that really helped me was therapy and I think that it is one of things that like a "dont knock it till you try it." But in my personal experience I thought it really gave me that sense of clarity and maybe that is the answer for you too. My lifecoach told me that it is not the goal to think about he end but it is my goal to keep progressing to look for the end. The journey is what matters not when you get there. Those words really stuck to me because when you get to the end you dont think about all of the hard times it took to get you there. But thinking of all of those hard times is what makes you into a stronger person.
Learning to Love Again
This weeks blog post will be a continuation of the last, lets say its a step-by-step. So last we spoke about being with someone who is a narcissist. Basically what I want to share is what it took for me to get myself back together again. For a while I lost myself in something or someone. Like i said before it became more of an obsession than anything else. learning how to break away from something like that is a very difficult process. Going back I decided to start therapy, however who I went to see was more of a life coach. What my sessions pertained to it was not just me talking and getting out my feelings but more of a lets talk about the situation and figure out how to break it down. My end goal of this was to feel free again, be able to feel safe but most importantly love myself again. When you are with someone for so long who is just constantly breaking you down you learn that your self love diminishes. So if you feel like that right now then please keep reading.
When learning how to love yourself again you first need to tell yourself that it is okay to make mistakes. Making mistakes is all about the process of life and I thought that if i made a mistake it made me that person but that is not true at all. It is hard to break from old habits but with motivation and hard work it is worth it.
A big step that is important is spending time with loved ones and surround yourself with people that bring you up in life instead of bringing you down. From personal experience I closed everyone off that, in my previous blog post I spoke about my younger sister. When I was going through a difficult time I closed her out of my life and there was a distance between us so working on our relationship was my number one priority. My parents also knew that something was wrong and that was another set of relationships I had to work on. Now my mom and I have always had a rocky relationship but at that time it was the worst for us. Spending time and making sure your family and even your friends know that you love them and when you accept the love they give you is when you know the steps you are taking are working.
There is a lot to take in by all of this and I do not want to overwhelm anyone but I just want to point something else out. Being able to say no is one of the biggest things! Saying no is probably at least for me so empowering. Now do not get me wrong I always like to please people. Whether it is with family or friends but saying no once in a while is more than okay. Dont spread yourself thin. Self care is one of the most important goals to have and accomplish learning how take care of yourself. So if you wanna just stay in and watch a movie one night but your friends wanna go out to a bar, then it's okay to say no and stay in once in a while. For me I always thought I had to say yes because they would either be mad or id be missing out but honestly who cares. Make some cookies or grab a bowl of popcorn. That's what im doing right now:)