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Love yourself & Love others
In my last post we spoke about learning how to love yourself. Today we are going to talk about learning how to love another. Coming out of a relationship especially one that has taken a toll on you is a difficult process. We feel so trapped with sadness and even depression but learning to pick yourself up and getting back out there is an important process.
Now I’m not saying there is a right or wrong way of doing this everyone is different and deals with loss in different ways, but I want to share some things that helped me. Now I tried the dating apps, I tried going on dates and meeting different people but for me it was something I dreaded doing. I thought it would be fun and exciting but after a while not finding any sort of connection with people I felt not worse than before but I felt like I was back at square one.
After my last relationship I made a mental note of things I wanted in someone and for me feeling safe with someone was a top priority. I know that sounds silly and some of you are probably like well how will you know if you don’t give people more than one chance. But for me I feel like if I got that feel of comfortability immediately then I knew. For people our age some may find it hard to find someone but what I tell people now is when you go looking for it, then it is not going to come to you. After I had stopped going out every weekend and took my self-off of these dating apps, I met my boyfriend now. Learning patience and learning that life has its course is important to come to terms with especially for someone who had zero patience. Going back to therapy, it taught me that having patience and learning to slow down in life is key to finding out what you want. Spending time with yourself and learning new things about yourself is vital, especially if you want someone to share your life with you.
Everything comes into ties with one another and I learned that at a slow pace but once you realize how to love yourself first and then find someone to share that with will give you everything you want.
La Vita da Italiano
For this weeks topic its more on a lighter note, I know the last few blog posts were a little heavier to read about but this one is something I hope a few people can relate to. So my family is Italian, my grandma came off the boat from Italy with her six siblings and my great grandparents. Growing up I was always that kid who had the weird smelly food at lunch that no one knew what it was. Even though when I was a kid I did not appreciate it as much I still loved every second of it. Learning abut the culture and listening to the different stories about my grandma and how she came here and the hardships they faced was just amazing in my mind.
Now here comes the downside to it, in an Italian household in my family at least, my grandmother is very big on how people see us especially others in our family. The woman in the family are suppopsed to act a certain way and the men are supposed to act a certain way as well. The woman have to cook, clean, do laundry take care of the men and it is very frustrating and there is so much pressure especially since we live in the 21st Century. it bothers me so much when they would tell me "well that's not how a lady should act." In my mind I would ask myself well how should they act? Putting all of these different personas in my head and telling us how we have to act and not just because they are my family but because I am a woman. You would think that especially from a woman who came here with her family and had to fight to make her way in America and create a come she would tell me to make my own decisions and make my own path but instead I was being taught the complete opposite.
Living next door to my grandparents was never easy, I was never allowed to come home late, dress a certain way, act a certain way and do not even get me started on tattoos. My cousin Sara and I are the oldest and we were taught at a very young age what it was like to be a "young lady." It was always criss your legs when sitting, sit up never slouch... For me I hated this because in this day and age anyone can do whatever they want and be whoever they want but for my family that was a hard no.
Going onto my grandpa he always told me I was "the grandson he always wanted" we would go fishing, or hunting together. However I still had to act like a proper young lady. When I was younger it was so hard for me to differentiate how to act. I was a loud kid, I like to speak my mind and my family wouldn't like that. There was so much confusion going on in my mind because I just never knew how to act or I felt like I couldn't be myself.
Now that im older and have some what of a good idea on who I am and honestly now that my grandma sees what the world is in a different lens, she's opened up her mind and eyes. I am loud and yes I have a big mouth but it's okay because there are people who will respect that about you. So if you are ever confused on what your family wants to be like and what you want to be, it's okay. Just be whoever you want to be and act however you want to act do not let people tell you different because the only person who knows you well enough is you.